i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
