Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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