i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
