after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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