Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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