hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
