Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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