i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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