I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
