If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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