When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
