that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
