I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize