Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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