Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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