this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
