Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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