Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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