haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
