It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dignity is for republicans.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Never let your siblings swipe right.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
