Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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