I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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