I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
