Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
