fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
