i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize