Ambien. No doubt about it.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Banned from zoo.
Again?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
