come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
