You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
