Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
