Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
