i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize