I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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