This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
