Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
