you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
