Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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