Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize