you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
