If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
