Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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