It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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