As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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