Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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