I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
May the power of my ass compel you!!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize