Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
