On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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