Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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