mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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