i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
