I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
