oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i out mim tonsoeep
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