This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got inside last night via doggy door
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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