at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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