if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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