Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
