HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize