I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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