.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
