her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
