Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
