I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
