Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
