just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
