The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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