I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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