Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
