If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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