you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Less talking, more tequila
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
