wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
