okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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