We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
